5 Ways Women Can Support Each Other Today
Ladies, we’re so dang beautiful! We are learning and growing every day. On the whole, we’re awakening to the gross mistreatment (sometimes intentional, sometimes unintentional) of the patriarchy. We’re saying “No” to being considered second class or less than. We’re embodying our God/Universe/Source-given power.
But are we doing all we can to lift and celebrate other women? Leading by example is step one. (We have to put on our own oxygen mask before we can help others.) But are we reaching for that next woman who is searching for her power…sexuality…grace?
I went out this past weekend and, I’m sorry to say, I felt completely judged instead of supported. It had already been a heckuva day and I didn’t even want to go out, but it was a friend’s birthday, so I put on a sexy dress and heels to jazz myself up and forged ahead.
The first woman who saw me gave me the up and down, dripping with disapproval.
My girlfriend was completely supportive, noticing the waiter seemed to be too. But then two other women I had met once previously, didn’t even acknowledge my presence (and we were a small group). Eventually I inserted myself into their conversation, made them laugh a few times, and they seemed to at least accept me. Though neither said goodbye.
I was struggling with feeling uncomfortable all night. All because of what — I chose a form-fitting dress to motivate myself to get out of the house? Ladies, we are missing opportunities here!
The female body is Glorious!! We should celebrate it!
Mine isn’t even magazine cover worthy. (I’ve got more in my middle than I’d like right now; and I don’t play Bingo — but my arms seem to be training for it.) I’ve learned the “perfect female figure” is something the patriarchy created. They can sell us endless amounts of crap during this pursuit of perfection. We don’t need it! It holds us down and I’m all about lifting us up. So I am determined to love my body and all it does for me. I’m not any sexier ten lbs lighter. I’m this sexy all the time. Say it with me, Ladies!
It got me thinking, how can we, as women, lift each other in our every day actions? Here are a few suggestions:
- The next time we see a woman dressed up…
don’t immediately think she’s easy, or trying to hook a guy (esp. your guy), or compare your body to hers (instantly trying to find a way your body is better). Take a breath, know you are Woman and Fabulous, and find something to rave about. I’m not talking false compliments. I’m talking Truly appreciate. Let her beauty or style or bravery light you up. And let her see it light you up.
2. Realize we are not in competition with one another.
Ladies, society has programmed us to think there are a limited number of good men out there and we have to win! That’s complete BS. We do not have to compete for men. If anyone has to compete, it should be the other way around. Watch any animal show on Netflix and you’ll realize humans are the only species who screwed up the natural order with our spanx and false lashes and pounds of makeup.
We are the goddesses of creation. We have what (heterosexual) men want. The only thing we have to do is step into our power and require they treat us with the respect we deserve. People repeat behavior that works for them. Stop rewarding poor behavior. Start expecting more.
The “not in competition” thing goes for all walks of life, by the way. Stop all the Best Mom, Best Wife, Best Friend Ever races. Instead, maybe try for Most Compassionate; understanding we haven’t walked in her flats, we don’t know her story. Either way, it takes equal amounts of energy to tear someone down or lift them up with thoughts or words…which will you choose?
3. Ask a woman’s opinion.
For too long, the toxic message has seeped into our very pores that our opinion, on matters outside the home, don’t matter. Ladies, our opinion matters. Say it out loud. Scream it.
While we’re at it, let’s add a dose of Trust Your Gut. We’ve been conditioned not to do so — to seek outside (usually male) advice. But our intuition is stronger than we realize. Tune into it. Then, if you’re still questioning, ask a woman you respect what her gut says. It’s great to feel valued. We can give that to the women in our lives.
Taking this a step further: if you’re in a position to — hire a woman. I shot a short film recently with an all female crew. I didn’t even notice until one of the women pointed it out. I just prefer the company of women now — which is a completely different tune than the one I sang/swallowed in high school and college. Back then I bought into the messages: women were catty, petty, and vicious (What a crock! Anyone can be those things. I find, much more often, women are kind, nurturing, and hilarious.) But, years ago, I was still telling myself I preferred the company of men. Don’t get me wrong, I can still hang with the boys, but now I find when I want real talk — I go to women.
4. Do something nice for a woman in your life.
Even if it’s a stranger. It can be as simple as a genuine compliment or as extravagant as surprising her with a weekend away. I once dropped flowers off at the front desk of my dermatologist’s — you’d have thought I gave them a raise for how happy they were.
We all know small acts of kindness go a long way. Let’s utilize them to go a long way for women. I’m not saying neglect the men in your life. I’m just saying don’t neglect the women in it:) Nurture the nurturers.
5. Step into your own sensuality.
Ladies, there’s an author you should read yesterday if you’re not familiar with her already. Regina Thomashauer. Her book “Pussy: A Reclamation” will change your life! I hesitated reading it because, given the name, I worried it would send me, vulva first, crashing into an ego spiral. I had done a lot of work checking my ego, so I wasn’t particularly interested in feeding it again. Guuuurl, was I wrong.
Thomashauer shows women how to turn on their radiance, and by doing so, illuminate the path for other women and ultimately the world. I won’t go into more detail on what she says (because why get the info second-hand when you could go straight to the source) I’ll just say I’ve listened to it on Audible three times already. It changes how I walk through the world. I hope it does the same for you.
Wrapping it up: Ladies, we do soooo much for others. Often we’re touted for how much we sacrifice. I’m not asking you to sacrifice. I’m asking you to put your back into lifting up other women. Stop judging. Start supporting. We can lead the revolution — sexy dress or no.